7 Dec 2007

Wildly Wordy World

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational invites readers to enter new word definitions after taking a real word and changing, dropping or adding one letter.

Check out these winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

Equally amusing:

1. coffee , n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted , adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one
has gained.

3. abdicate , v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4 esplanade , v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly , adj. impotent.

6. negligent , adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing
only a nightgown.

7. lymph , v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle , n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence , n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash , n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle , n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude , n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon , n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster , n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent , n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men.


Victoria said...

*snickering* Those are funny! I really liked "glibido"! LOL!

Kristen said...

oh my gosh, too cute. I thought the first list was funny and then I started laughing at lymph and circumvent!

kim-d said...

This one got the laugh-with-snort from me! I especially liked "Ignoranus" and "Foreploy" (guess we can see where my mind goes, huh?) and then I also liked lymph and circumvent. Well, yeah, I pretty much liked them ALL. More snort-laughing :)! Thanks, Heidi, for the end-of-the-week laugh that I was needing. I truly pink-puffy-heart you!

Amy Y said...

My favorite was ignoranus!
Great, thanks! :) :)

My Ice Cream Diary said...

I wonder if I should add any of these to my childrens' vocabulary tests. Hmmm, maybe not. Thanks for the morning laugh.

Julie Pippert said...

More humor and laughing! THANKS!

OMS these are hilarious osteopornosis! foreploy! the bozone layer!


Using My Words

shay said...

I love those! I may have to steal them or link to them!
Thanks for the laugh. I needed it!

MadMad said...

These were hysterical - I loved ingoranus... well, actually, a lot of them. I wish I could think of funny one-liners like these people do. Well, at least they're MENSA, right? I have an excuse then.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

OMG - these are so funny! Thanks!

katiez said...

Those are hilarious! I love word funnies. We used to have a book of Sniglets - words that needed to be invented..like a word for the runny, red water that comes out of the ketchup bottle first...

Don Mills Diva said...

Those are really funny!I love reintarnation - I have been trying to figure out how to work it into conversation for 10 minutes...

Just Seeking said...

Very funny! I am going to have to pass those on to some word loving friends of mine! My favorite is pokemon and my kids loved caterpallor.

On another note, I agree with you. Some people would never give to a charity project unless there's something in it for them---like the free laptops. So sad, but so true.

Kathryn said...

Too funny!
Wow. There are a ton of very creative people out there. Thanks for sharing. :)

sandy shoes said...

I love these. "Ignoranus" has been a favorite of mine for a long time.

Kellan said...

Those are all so cool and so funny! I started to note my favorites and then the list got so long, I have to just say - they are all good! I need to show my girls that list, they will love some of those words and I'm sure they might even use them.

Have a good weekend, Heidi. Are you going to the cabin? Take care, Kellan

Gina said...

Those are hilarious!

Karen MEG said...

Those are great!!! Are you sure you didn't make them up yourself, brillian lady :)

Aliki2006 said...

I LOVE "cashtration"!!!!!

Mrs. G. said...

Oh this is too much fun. I'm going to share some of these with my class...they will love them. Thanks for the fun.

Rima said...

These were all excellend, but I liked the second set better.

Circumvent???? That is totally priceless!!!

Rima said...

I meant, "excellent."

See, your post is making me want to invent my own words.

painted maypole said...

fun! :)

familymclean said...

That was awesome!!!!
I am going to print that!
Thanks, and many thanks for future laughs when I crack it out at a gathering!

hellomelissa said...

those are witty and most excellent. i love word play.

Sue said...

Ha, love these, thanks for sharing them!

another good thing said...

HAHAHAH. These are better than last years- I love POKEMAN!
But, I thought Karmaggedon was going to be about the electric car dying, or the suv vs mini battle?!

Thanks for the giggle.

Beck said...

I was flabbergasted this morning, sadly.

Lisa@Take90West said...

So funny...I could not pick a favorite!
Thanks for the laughs this morning, hope you are having a nice weekend!

jen said...

sarchasm? perfect. i love it.

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

Hee hee! These were great - Pokemon is going to be one of my all time favs. Hilarious!

Kellan said...

Hey Heidi - thanks for coming over and leaving the nice Birthday wish for my Dad. Have a good evening. Kellan

gmcountrymama said...

Thanks for the laughs, I needed them while at work!

Valarie said...

Oh man. Those are funny. Let me wipe the tears from my eyes so I can see while I type. I think my fav is "Beelzebug" because we are still fighting off the mosquitoes from "H-E-double hockey sticks!!" Too funny.

Stomper Girl said...

Thanks for putting those up Heidi, they are hilarious.

Mountain Dweller said...

Thank you for a Sunday morning smile!

kim-d said...

Good Morning Heidi--I cannot even tell you how many times I've had to come over here and read this list. I'm thinkin' I just have to print it...

Have a great day!

Kellan said...

Hi Heidi - I just want to say that I consider you at the very top of my blogging friends. You have always been supportive and kind and I always look forward to coming over here to see you. I appreciate that you always come to my site and I know how hard it is too get to everyone's site! You too, my friend, are a fine blogger and a good friend. Hope you have a good Sunday - see you tomorrow. We have a crazy day. Kellan