19 Sep 2007

What are you thinking now?

My Benjamin boy, you are such a funny little guy.

Remember when you were goofing off with Joakim on the side of the soccer field your brother was playing a match on? I noticed your pants kept falling down, and you were holding onto the waist with one hand, hampering you in your valiant attempts to tackle Joakim. I wondered why your pants had suddenly gotten so much bigger on you. I even thought that it would not be good if you lost weight, small as you are! When I went over for a closer look, I saw that your pants were not buttoned. You obviously had not been able to do so, and didn't want to ask for help. Since you dress yourself in the morning, your pants were probably on the verge of falling down all day. In school, in the after school program, on the trampoline...

And what about that day when we came home late from dinner at mormor and bestefar's house on a school night, and you and Christopher were given strict instructions to change, brush your teeth and hit the sack. Right away. I quickly checked my emails, and as I went back to check on the two of you, I saw Christopher was done and in bed. Good job. I went into your room. You were lying on your bed - that's a start - but wearing a new, clean shirt and reading a book. You looked up with that big smile of yours when I came in. Your dirty clothes were strewn all over the floor, a pile of clean clothes that had been placed on the bed was now also on the floor. Your PJs were the only clothes still on your bed, untouched. I asked you what you were doing, and you said you were in bed. I asked you what you were wearing, and you said your PJs. I asked you to double-check, and when you did you looked up in complete surprise "Oh..."

Then there was the time when I came by school to pick you up. You were supposed to be outside playing, but I finally found you in your classroom, alone, where you were looking through a shelf full of drinking glasses to find yours. Except I knew right away that you didn't have a glass there, because you'd never told me you needed to bring one. When I mentioned this, and tried to find out exactly what you thought you were looking for, you became very vague. I guess you were thirsty and just hoped a glass would magically reveal itself to be yours. The very next day you had a very cool looking Bionicles drinking glass with you in your bag. With big letters on it - "BENJAMIN".

I often don't understand how your mind works. In some ways, you seem to be living in your own "Benjamin world". You never tell me anything about your day, and when prompted you do not seem to remember a lot of what you do at school. You could have been on a field trip, but have little recollection of what you saw. You do not recall the names of many of your friends, even though I see you playing with them daily at school. I suppose these details just aren't interesting to you.

On the other hand, you will surprise me with your insight into things that I consider far beyond your 7 years. Things that you really should not even be aware of. Your loyalty to your family and your friends touches me on a daily basis. You show a level of empathy and generosity that is extraordinary, and I'm sure you'd give away your most prized possessions if someone you cared about asked.

And you are a brave boy! You have taken on this task of going to a Norwegian school with gusto, and not once have you cried, protested or in any other way indicated that you found it difficult. Even though I know it must be hard to sit in a classroom with kids you do not know and - at least in the beginning - could not even communicate with. I imagine you having to pretend to listen to your teacher, when you have absolutely no idea what she is talking about. And you still come home every day and tell me that school was great, and that you give it a 9 out of 10.

You are a puzzle to me, my cutie-boy. But a sweet and incredibly happy little puzzle.


Cyn said...

Sweet! We have some of those "huh?" moments with our guys, too. These make good memories.

morag said...

He is a great little puzzle, you can't help but love him. Every now and them you get small clues as to what he's thinking. He's wonderful.

Sanu said...

What a touching commentary about Benjamin! How nice to read your reflections about your little boy and see all the good in even not so "good" moments and appreciate all that is wondeful about him. We should all take a step back and enjoy each one of our children for what they bring to us as parents; love, happiness..... Sometimes I know I end up losing it with my kids. What a nice reminder that we should enjoy each one of them while they are children because before long, they will be all grown up.

Hae Yung said...

I love Benjamin! There is a special place in my heart for him always. How can you not love him? He faces struggles without complaints, somehow finding ways to get by. He is generous and kind. I also understand Benjamin because he sort of reminds me of Nathan (Nathan being more extreme). They just have different way of thinking and acting. Raising Nathan has made me realize that different is great and we just neeed to take time to get to know each kid and appreciate them. I worry about people judging Nathan too quickly, without getting to know him. He will always be different and that may keep some people away. But then they'll never know how affectionate, kind, empathatic, and sweet he can be. I worry but I am hoping he'll mature and he'll have good friends who'll like him for who he is.

Family Adventure said...

Thank you, Cyn. You are absolutely right.
Morag - spoken like a mother of an equally adorable and wonderful son. Thank you for seeing B boy as he can be.
Sanu, sometimes it is good to just step back from the craziness of daily life and really LOOK at your children. I found writing that post so cathartic. I could suddenly SEE all of his good sides, not just the sides that are a little unusual. It was actually a great feeling. I highly recommend it. Feel free to vent about your girls here any day - not that I think you have much reason to vent :)
HY: We've had so many talks about this. I think I might have gone crazy if it were not for my friends, who understand and love my children regardless.

Heather said...

Kids are definitely complex and the way their minds work just amazes me sometimes. And Benjamin is adorable.

Thanks for stopping by my blog - I will have to back and read you previous posts!!

gmcountrymama said...

That is a beautiful post. I should take some time and step outside the picture, I am sure I will be surprised by what I see.
Benjamin is a real cutie!
Thanks for the visit, I will be back to read more.

SoccerMomofTwo said...

Cute... my Kevin (VideoBoy) is like that.

Karen MEG said...

Heidi, I think B-boy is brilliant -he's got this wonderful take on the world, always something interesting and thought-provoking coming from him, just when you least expect it. After all, he's got to keep his big brother and parents on their toes!

linda-sands.com said...

What a nice gift to your son. It is those moments that we see ourselves- good and bad.