Feb 26, 2008

What Not To Say

"I'm allowed to say four bad words."
"Hmmm...I don't think so."
"Yes! I'm allowed to say shoot, darn, darn it and frigging."
"Well, I really don't want you to say any bad words at all."
"But I can say darn it, right?"
"I don't think so, B boy. It's not very nice."
"But you said I could say darn it."
"I don't remember ever saying that. I'd rather you didn't say it, to be honest."
"Okay, but I can say frigging, then."
"Really, Benjamin, it's best if you don't use any of those words. They don't sound good, and it's just not very polite use of language. Especially coming from a 7 year old."
"But I am allowed to say shoot."

[The resigned silence of a mother being worn down]

"Mamma! I'm allowed to say shoot, right?"

Sigh.

"All right, then, I guess you can say shoot."
"Yes!"

[His overly enthusiastic reaction jolts me out of my weary mommy state and I scramble into damage control mode:]

"But only in an emergency! Not all the time."

[In an emergency?! Geez...now even Benjamin realizes I am floundering:]

"Don't worry, Mamma, I won't, because shoot really means another word, right?"
"Ummm...some people use it instead of another word, I guess."
"It really means S-I-T, right?"

[A-ha! Spelling lesson opportunity here - I'll be a great mother yet:]

"Nooooo....it doesn't mean S-I-T, B boy. It means shoot. Besides, what does S-I-T spell?"
"Oh yeah, SIT. But shoot means 'sh' and 'ee' and 't', right?"

[OK, this conversation is not going anywhere good. Let's be firm and end this now:]

"Yes, I suppose that's what some people think it means. But you are NOT allowed to use that word. End of story!"

[Silence. I did it!]

"I know! That's why I said 'sh-ee-t'!"

[Did my boy just say shit to me?]

43 comments:

Stomper Girl said...

Hahaha! Those conversations are h-a-r-d!!

Personally I really hate 'frigging' to the point where I'd prefer them to use the word it's a substitute for! This is because my parents had a bawdy pirate record (it was the 70's, okay) called Frigging in the Rigging -for real- and I was under the impression that frigging was .........eeeerrrmm..... you know, satisfying oneself if you know what i mean. So you might want to steer him away from that one!!!!!

Aliki2006 said...

Ha! I squirmed at that conversation but it was funny! We're trying to steer L. away from "stupid" and "dumb" right now and it's an uphill battle, that's for sure. I think the only recourse is to be 100% firm--give them an inch...!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

That kid has politician written all over him!!

Can't wait to cast my vote for him!

Hallie :)

Karen MEG said...

That was too funny Heidi! I love that he's come up with a "list" :)
Thanks to his mother, Liam has heard all permutations and combinations (albeit fairly rarely, and usually just in bad traffic). I'd love to hear a conversation between him and Bboy as to what they can try to get away with!

Steph said...

Yeah, I think he did. ;-) I'm not so concerned with my 6yo's language, but the 3yo is the one I'm going to have to watch and rein in...

Dawn said...

He sounds like a little lawyer. Good for you for writing down the conversation. What a great way to capture his personality at this time in his life.

Awesome Mom said...

Lol Wow you are going to be in trouble when he gets older, he is one smart cookie.

Beck said...

My Boy says "WHAT THE?" all the time, which we're trying to convince him is STILL rude, even without any actual swearing. Siiigggghhh.

Candy said...

But he did it so cleverly, I barely even noticed.

He's totally your kid, by the way.

She She said...

Funny! This reminds me of Nora piping up from the back seat when she was three after I'd been cut off by another driver, "What's a "fucking idiot", mama?"

My Ice Cream Diary said...

My sister and I had quite the list when we were little. I still laugh about "son of a beach."

We are trying to get our kids to watch their language too. I love when one comes running saying, "Mooooooom, so-and-so just said the G word." What? "You know, (and they whisper) Gosh." It is so hard not to laugh, really it is.

Professor J said...

He does sound like a lawyer!

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

I was thinking the same as Dawn, just like a lawyer. He is trying to find all the angles!
What a super conversation, I could just feel what you were gonna say next. What a guy, kinda cute.

LoriD said...

My daughter, then 2-1/2, said very innocently in a fabric store, "What the hell are we doing in here?" She was our first child... up until then we hadn't really edited ourselves.

shay said...

You are in trouble girl! He's only seven???!!! Good luck with that. He's already smarter than I am by a long shot! lol.

Oh and my kids just go with, "what the?????!!!" That way no one gets in trouble and you can fill in your own blank:( They are smarter than I am as well!

Robyn said...

Oh that was good. My little guy has started to say "dam-mick." Goes to show you what word I say under my breath too often.

I think you need to sign him up for a debate team. He's clearly a natural.

Amy Y said...

Ahh, the sounds of stretching your legs across that line to independence...
Have a fun trip, Mama :)

Amy said...

oh sh%t!!! best of luck to ya! it is funny how they rationalize and they do test the waters!

Teachin' this mommy new tricks! said...

ha haa. kids always are trying to find that line aren't they. Good luck with that one. I may have just passed that one to my husband just to see how he would have handled it. :)

Kellan said...

Oh, how funny!!! "Did my boy just say sh-eet to me?" I loved this - aren't they the cutest things ever?

Have a good day Heidi - see you - Kellan

Kathryn said...

HAHAHA!!!!!
Oh that boy is just too funny. What a cutie!

Just Seeking said...

This is too funny! I am doooooommed very soon since I am a horrible role model in this regard and will absolutely have to resort to hypocrisy!

Mary Alice said...

Oh fudge - he may have!

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I LOVE this boy!

Always pushing the limit....I suppose that will serve him well one day! Until then...you have your work cut out for you! (As do I!)

familymclean said...

Ha, ha, too funny!
You are such a creative mommy, I just might have to bank this post for when we get to those days!

katydidnot said...

i hate it when they outsmart me.

Ree said...

Sorry darlin', but he did. I love, however, that he's keeping a list!

Victoria said...

Oo, he's a crafty one there! LOL! Score one for your boy, zero for you.

=)

Mrs. G. said...

Way to hang tough. I am always impressed by the persistence of a child who wants something. No sh-ee-t!

kimmy said...

My kids test me with all those words too. I don't know where to draw the line either!

Kimmy

painted maypole said...

ha ha ha ha ha

MamaGeek said...

Yep, he may be the next political genius! Hilarious!

david mcmahon said...

Had me laughing here! (Came here from Kimmy)

You know what they say - ``sit'' happens!!

I've got three kids, so I hear you!

BarnGoddess said...

lol, this had me giggling.

my 4 yo has recently tried to expand his vocabulary-gawd help me.

ewe are here said...

Yes he did, but in his defense, he was trying to be clear. ;-)

Hostage negotiator in training? Persistent little boy you have there.

Mrs. Annie said...

Just wait...they grow up, come home, and you still want to correct their language!

Don Mills Diva said...

I love the negotiating - hilarious!

kim-d said...

What I want to know is how on earth you kept from laughing during this little exchange. Huh, Mamma, huh?? BWAHAHA!!! That B-Boy is just a hoot, and I think it's good you're his Mamma cause I probably would have ended up agreeing to all of it, plus "shit", too! It's his cute little face and the "Mamma" that would have done it...hehehe!

John-Michael said...

And, all the while you have the inescapable recognition of the terrifying truth that you are being toyed with by A-SEVEN-YEAR-OLD.

brneyedgal967 said...

"Shit" is the universal filler word of all males, from any culture or socio-economic background.

Just take my conversation with my brother a couple of days ago: http://thecolorofhome.blogspot.com/2008/02/heebie-jeebie-time.html

Down towards the bottom of the post if you want to skip all the heebie-jeebie stuff.

Gina said...

Ha! Perhaps you have a future debate-team champion on your hands!

carrie said...

You know that I can totally relate to this! :)

Nadine said...

Yep, that's what he said!

I'm a long way from conversations like that. I hope :)