Feb 12, 2008

Morning Madness

Any weekday morning, in Norwayland. Everyone's finished their breakfast but the B boy.

"Benjamin, eat your breakfast."
"Okay."

[2 minutes later]

"C'mon, eat your food - and lean over the plate."
"Okay."

[Another minute later]

"Eat!"
"Okay!"

"I have to go to the bathroom."
"All right, go, but hurry up then."

[1 minute later, he's out of the bathroom. I've left the kitchen and he walks by me in the family room]

"Okay good, now go back and finish your breakfast."
"Mmmmm!"

[2 minutes later, I call from the family room]

"Benjamin, are you eating?"

[Silence, then with a mouth full of food]

"I am eating, mamma."
"Okay, good, finish up now. You've been sitting there for almost 20 minutes. You're not going to be able to watch any cartoons before school if you keep this up."

[Wail of unhappiness]

[2 minutes later]

"Benjamin, are you done now?"
"Almost."

[1 minute later]

"I have to go to the bathroom."
"Again? Go then, but please hurry up."

[5 minutes later]

"Benjamin, are you still in the bathroom?"
"Yeah..."
"Are you coming out anytime soon?"
"I guess so."
"Well, come out then."
"Okay."

[Exits the bathroom]

"Now go finish your breakfast - quickly!'

[Runs to the kitchen - comes back immediately]

"I am done with my breakfast."
"Eat the crust, too."

[Clearly stunned by my telepathic abilities, he stomps back into the kitchen]

"And finish your drink."
"Arrrrgh!"

[Comes back again with his mouth full of food, mumbling something about being done]

"Excellent. Now go get dressed. Pappa put clothes out on your bed for you."
"Dressed...arrgh!"

[Mumble, mumble in room...finally comes out partially dressed]

"Where are your socks?"

[Another wail of despair]

"Then you have to go brush your teeth."
"Hmmph."

[Marches off to the bathroom again, still sockless]

[I hear the Tooth Tunes toothbrush from the bathroom]

"And don't forget to MOVE your toothbrush when you brush. It won't do any good if you just push it against your front teeth to hear the song."

[More sounds of frustration as the toothbrush was clearly being pressed against said teeth, and then comes out of the bathroom to illustrate his stellar brushing skillz]

"Thanks for the demonstration B boy, but please don't walk out of the bathroom with the toothbrush. And LEAN OVER the sink so you're not dripping everywhere."

[Back to the bathroom he goes]

[Song stops playing, Benjamin throws the toothbrush down into the sink and rushes back out into the family room, finally done]

[He looks at the Tom & Jerry episode just starting on TV. The frustration of the last 40 minutes instantly forgotten as he cracks a huge smile of recognition and jumps onto the couch]

"This is a good one, Chris!"
"Mmm," says Christopher, who's been sitting calmly watching cartoons for the last 20 minutes.

51 comments:

LoriD said...

Did I write this? This could be almost any morning with my son. Too funny!

kim-d said...

Oh, what a boy! I just love Benjamin. I am curious, though, did he ever put his socks on? I'm so glad he FINALLY got watch a cartoon with his older, more experienced brother. HAHAHA!

Caffienated Cowgirl said...

That's so funny. It sounds like my house, even though I only have one child! No one ever tells you how hard it is to get a child going in the morning :)

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Painful, isn't it?

Aliki2006 said...

Sounds like many of our mornings, too!

We parents DO know our kids well, don't we? It IS a kind of telepathy, I think.

Beth said...

Glad to know my kids aren't the only ones like this!

Chantal said...

Oh yes, it is universal morning pain and suffering!

Steph said...

Ugh, I hate mornings. My older daughter drags her feet through the whole routine, too. She also never seems to remember everything that needs to be done even though we do it every. single. day!

Ginaagain said...

Hey, if you can get them out of bed you are two steps ahead of me! My fourteen year old will not move before 7am and his bus comes at 7:10! Amazingly enough he has only missed it twice this year.

the dragonfly said...

Sorry, but I had to laugh out loud. My brother is not a morning person. This is still the way mornings go with him, and he's 25!!! (except for the teeth brushing part. He knows how to brush his teeth.)

:)

Lisa @ Take90West said...

I have a B boy and a Chris too...same deal with the tooth tunes brush. "Just cause I hear the music, I don't hear you actually 'brushing'!"
Except my 'Chris' would've been sitting on the couch with her coat and back pack on, all ready to walk out the door. And my 'B' would still need to have her hair brushed!
I love the stories about your boys!

Dawn said...

I was going to say I have a kid just like this; then I noticed, so do so many other people who commented. It must be a common thing with kids. My daughter has Tooth Tunes toothbrush also. Great post.

Badness Jones said...

Love it! My Princess is queen of the bathroom at mealtimes too! "I'm just going pee Dad! Do you want me to pee my pants?" (you'll have to mentally insert the attitude and eye-rolling yourself, lol!)

Misty said...

Heidi, quit peeking in my windows in the morning!

Julie Pippert said...

Oh that is so my house.

I get sick of it, and decide to let natural consequences rule.

P1 has gone to school with an empty tummy.

I suppose one could argue I ought not do that, but she's eaten better ever since and truth be told? I think that ought to be her consequence, and hers alone.

kimmy said...

That sounds exactly like my house in the morning!

My kids get upset that I nag them about the things that they should be doing. They tell me they "already know"! I say, "Well if you already know, then why aren't you doing it?"

Kimmy

Queeny said...

That sounds like every morning at my house. It's why I can't get the Princess to school on time.

Beck said...

You've been spying on us!

Mountain Dweller said...

Kids! Aren't they the same the world over? LOL!

Mary Beth said...

Ah yes, the magic Mommy vision that can see through walls, etc. Some of us are just NOT morning people (sigh).

melissious said...

Remove "Benjamin", insert "Jake".

Amy Y said...

That is totally Gavin, too. For Breakfast... again at lunch and then once more at dinner. Ugh.

Kathryn said...

Have you been at my house recently? That sounds like me every morning. And lunchtime. And evening. Ack!

Tracey said...

Every. Single. Morning. Every step of the getting ready process must be repeated no less than 4 times to EACH child, and then an argument over "Don't yell at me, Mommy!" occurs even though I asked nicely 3 times previous...

Candy said...

Eerily familiar.

I wonder if he were eating gummy worms for breakfast and was allowed to wear a halloween costume to school, if you would have faster results ;)

Don Mills Diva said...

Sounds like life with my husband sometimes actually...he's such a putterer (is that a word?)

My Ice Cream Diary said...

I love proving to my children that I have telepathic abilities.

Kellan said...

This is so funny and so like my Little Billy too!! This could have been documented from the episode that went on in our house this very morning - BOYS!! Take care and I'll see you later. Kellan

MadMad said...

Ahhhhh, just like home. (My home, I mean.) LOVE the new header - Gorgeous, gorgeous and some more gorgeous!

jen said...

ah, yes.

ewe are here said...

This sounds like our dinner time.

sigh.

MamaGeek said...

Oh my, this totally sounds like my husband whom is the master putzer!

Mrs. G. said...

You are a patient woman. He is clearly living in the now. Beautiful.

Rima said...

Sounds like our house, except you are much more patient than me. And by the time the V-meister is finally done with her breakfast, she is always shocked to find that cartoons are OVER and it's time to leave for school. Poor kid.

chichimama said...

OMG, you totally summed up my mornings. I feel your pain...

Sue said...

Wouldn't it be nice if they would just - DO WHAT THEY KNOW THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO? I mean - what a concept. ARG.

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Reason number 1 why I home school. I always hated the poky mornings. I have 2 poky kids, now 3 actually. ugh.

familymclean said...

Haa, ha, hoooo!
I can totally see that I will be in for this with Kaitlyn!
Yikes.
Too funny though....the way you retell it is fantastic!

kim-d said...

Hoping you have a nice pleasant morning there in Norwayland and that Benjamin gets to eat, watch his cartoons, AND get completely dressed--all in the same morning! HAHAHA...I chuckle everytime I think about him trying to get it all together in the mornings. And kudos to you on all your Mom patience, Heidi :)!

Gina said...

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with a procrastinator! You crack me up!

Laura said...

Are you writting about your house, or my house....seriously...it is enough for me to pull my hair out...seriously!!!!

Thanks for sharing.

Maddy said...

Ooo the fun we all have. It is any wonder we [I?] have grey hair and wrinkles!
Cheers

Mrs. Annie said...

I have come to understand that my voice is not of the same frequency as that of my children. They hear, "blah, blah, blah" while I say (plead, beg, demand, yell), "Eat! Get dressed! Make your bed!" Uggh! Do they make hearing aids to help children actually hear the words you speak?

Cathy said...

You just described our typical morning!

Kellan said...

Hi Heidi - hope you are having a great week - nice to see you as always. I'll see you later. Kellan

Jennifer (Jen on the Edge) said...

It's like Benjamin and Ellie were separated at birth!

Kyla said...

Yes. Every morning. Except BubTar takes his breakfast into the car and eats on the way now. It makes things much smoother and he actually EATS.

Barrie said...

I wonder how he'd do with a little timer that he can set? Just a thought....

And...I think every family has some version of the B boy! :)

Amy said...

i share your pain. it amazes me how children can be so different! don't ya just love it, though. just think, if he was already too, life would be a bit boring. well maybe not.

have a great day!

carrie said...

This is Wyatt, after he's eaten all the carbohydrates from his plate!

And don't even talk to me about the mess of crumbs he leaves for not leaning over his plate! I'm sure you know.

alice said...

You have my child. Seriously.