Morning Madness

Any weekday morning, in Norwayland. Everyone's finished their breakfast but the B boy.

"Benjamin, eat your breakfast."
"Okay."

[2 minutes later]

"C'mon, eat your food - and lean over the plate."
"Okay."

[Another minute later]

"Eat!"
"Okay!"

"I have to go to the bathroom."
"All right, go, but hurry up then."

[1 minute later, he's out of the bathroom. I've left the kitchen and he walks by me in the family room]

"Okay good, now go back and finish your breakfast."
"Mmmmm!"

[2 minutes later, I call from the family room]

"Benjamin, are you eating?"

[Silence, then with a mouth full of food]

"I am eating, mamma."
"Okay, good, finish up now. You've been sitting there for almost 20 minutes. You're not going to be able to watch any cartoons before school if you keep this up."

[Wail of unhappiness]

[2 minutes later]

"Benjamin, are you done now?"
"Almost."

[1 minute later]

"I have to go to the bathroom."
"Again? Go then, but please hurry up."

[5 minutes later]

"Benjamin, are you still in the bathroom?"
"Yeah..."
"Are you coming out anytime soon?"
"I guess so."
"Well, come out then."
"Okay."

[Exits the bathroom]

"Now go finish your breakfast - quickly!'

[Runs to the kitchen - comes back immediately]

"I am done with my breakfast."
"Eat the crust, too."

[Clearly stunned by my telepathic abilities, he stomps back into the kitchen]

"And finish your drink."
"Arrrrgh!"

[Comes back again with his mouth full of food, mumbling something about being done]

"Excellent. Now go get dressed. Pappa put clothes out on your bed for you."
"Dressed...arrgh!"

[Mumble, mumble in room...finally comes out partially dressed]

"Where are your socks?"

[Another wail of despair]

"Then you have to go brush your teeth."
"Hmmph."

[Marches off to the bathroom again, still sockless]

[I hear the Tooth Tunes toothbrush from the bathroom]

"And don't forget to MOVE your toothbrush when you brush. It won't do any good if you just push it against your front teeth to hear the song."

[More sounds of frustration as the toothbrush was clearly being pressed against said teeth, and then comes out of the bathroom to illustrate his stellar brushing skillz]

"Thanks for the demonstration B boy, but please don't walk out of the bathroom with the toothbrush. And LEAN OVER the sink so you're not dripping everywhere."

[Back to the bathroom he goes]

[Song stops playing, Benjamin throws the toothbrush down into the sink and rushes back out into the family room, finally done]

[He looks at the Tom & Jerry episode just starting on TV. The frustration of the last 40 minutes instantly forgotten as he cracks a huge smile of recognition and jumps onto the couch]

"This is a good one, Chris!"
"Mmm," says Christopher, who's been sitting calmly watching cartoons for the last 20 minutes.